Inspirational
Purple Party for Farewell with a Grin
by Dr. Bob Rich
The opening chapter of my 20th book The Hole in Your Life: Grief and Bereavement, introduces you to Natalie, my daughter who died in December 2024. In her work as, basically, a business counselor, she scribbled her notes with a purple pen. When there was no more point to chemotherapy and her hair grew back, she dyed it purple, on the Why Not Principle. And when she needed a walking aid, it was, you guessed it, a purple walking stick.
Do note that violet is the color of the crown chakra, which is about spiritual connection and transformation. Indigo is the third eye chakra, the gateway to intuition, enlightenment, intelligence. And these are both within the “purple” range.
So, naturally, when she planned her funeral, she asked us to have a Purple Party as an occasion for a grin rather than for grief. Everyone was required to wear one or more purple articles of clothing. (Only purple people were allowed to attend naked, but none showed up.)
For decades, her daily routine included walking at least 12,000 steps, so her sister, Anina, invited those of her purple guests who were able to walk one or more circuits around Lilydale Lake, one of her favorite exercise venues. Naturally, her purple-shirted father led the charge.
This shows Natalie’s wisdom. You see, having fun, doing enjoyable things, is one of the seven magic bullets that shoot down everything negative and are the antibodies against despair. The time you need them the most is when you are grieving.
Note I said “shows,” not “showed.” She is no longer in a body past its use-by date, but still very much around. She has demonstrated this in typical Natalie style by sending several messages from beyond.
At the medically estimated time of her death, her mother and brother, who were separated by over 12,000 miles, both felt someone hug them. It felt so real my wife woke up, and looked for the hugger, but that person was invisible.
All of Natalie’s clients became her devoted friends, but one was particularly special. He has blamed her for being able to retire with about three times as much wealth as otherwise. Apart from fixing banged up cars, his passion in life is to watch television. The last time he visited her in palliative care, she said, “I’ll turn your TV off!” When he went home from the Purple Party, the addictive screen kept going off, never mind how many times he turned it on. Can’t you hear her laugh?
We live on the driest continent (look up where that is if you must), so we save the wastewater from our washing machine for the garden. Our first wash after she died was a bright iridescent pink, like highly diluted beetroot juice. A white tablecloth in the wash was unstained. If you don’t believe me, have a look at the photo I forgot to take, sorry.
I’ll miss Natalie for the rest of my life, which may not be all that long given I am 82.5 years old, but am spared the agony of grief, unlike on previous occasions when I lost a loved person. A rule of the universe is, “The more you give, the more you get, and also the more you give the more you grow.” So, the silver lining of not having Natalie in my life anymore is the book I wrote to allow me to pass on the activities that have enabled me to process my grief with, in Dr. Seuss’s words, “great skillful skill and great speedy speed.” If my book makes life easier for one person, I’ll be pleased. But the more people I can be of service to, the more I like it.
About the Author
Bob Rich, Ph.D. earned his doctorate in psychology in 1972. He worked as an academic, researcher and applied scientist until “retiring” the first time at 36 years of age. Later, he returned to psychology and qualified in Counseling Psychology and ran a private practice for over 20 years. During this time, he was on the national executive of the College of Counselling Psychologists of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), then spent three years as a Director of the APS. He was the therapist referrers sent their most difficult cases to.
Bob retired in 2013, but still does pro bono counseling over the internet. This has given him hundreds of “children” and “grandchildren” he has never met, because many of these people stay in touch for years. His major joy in life is to be of benefit to others, and now he wants to be of service to people suffering a serious loss.
You can get to know him well at his blog, Bobbing Around.
