Happiness

Bob Rich’s Self-Therapy Guide: 3 Powerful Uplifting Ways – Gratitude, Understanding, Tolerance

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Ernest in Happiness

In this series, Dr. Bob Rich teaches you how to leave behind depression, anxiety, and other forms of suffering all too common in our crazy world. Recovering the Self published three sections of Bob Rich’s book From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide in a series of posts – the first section ending with the quest for meaning and the second section concluding with The Development of Resilience.

The third section of Bob’s work was marked by special attention to various techniques and practices that are helpful in controlling depression. It concluded with a discussion on values and their implication in therapy. Bob now shares the final section of his self-therapy guide that delves deeper into the practical side of his therapy work illustrating with examples from individual cases of his own patients. In the 8th post in this section, Bob explained the beauty of the Jewish custom of Mitzvah and its secret good. Here, he highlights the benefits of three effective ways to happiness: Gratitude, Understanding, and Tolerance.

3 Powerful Uplifting Ways

Here we continue with research-validated positive psychology techniques you can use to get the best of whatever life throws at you. People are made happy by accumulating experiences rather than possessions. Wealth, status, power over others, fame and the like are trinkets. I’ve discussed this before. Meeting challenges; growing in skills, wisdom, maturity, and spirituality lead to contentment. The following three uplifting ways make a reliable spiritual path toward this destination.

1. Gratitude

Sonja Lyuobomirsky’s book The How of Happiness? cites lots of evidence on the benefits of gratitude, in any set of circumstances. She recommends making a daily gratitude list, something I’ve been doing every now and then for years. (Naughty: I don’t remember it every day.)

Before my first hip replacement, I experienced severe chronic pain, all the time. One night as I settled for sleep, I thought, Great! Today the pain never went above 7/10!

I’ve heard my wife say something wise when someone commiserated with her about getting old: “It’s an honor and a privilege: an achievement.”

When you’re in a good situation, regular gratitude keeps it fresh and effective in keeping you contented. When you’re in a bad situation, finding things to be grateful for is a good way of focusing the searchlight of attention where it is needed.

2. Understanding

The evidence shows an apparent paradox here. If you work at understanding and explaining positive experiences, they become predicable and ordinary. This speeds adaptation, which is the opposite of what you want. Simply accept your good fortune with gratitude.

Doing your best to understand negative experiences leads to acceptance. For example, writing about past trauma helps to resolve it. Thousands of people have made sense of their suffering by writing a book about it. I’ve edited many like that. However, if you choose this path, note that a book can do one of two things, but not both. Either it’s a form of exposure therapy that helps you to heal, or it’s helpful for others, providing a service to help them to avoid or overcome suffering. If you want to do both, do so in separate books. This is because we’re all unique and different, and a sample of one can never suit a large group of others. Naturally, you can have autobiographical bits in a helping book like I’m doing here, but only after you’ve resolved your own trauma.

3. Tolerance

The Qur’an states that Allah is the only judge. Muslims who attack others for apostasy, for breaking Mohammed’s injunctions, are as wrong as judgmental Christians.

I don’t know from which nation, but there is a Native American saying: “Do not judge me until you have walked in my moccasins for 100 days.”

A great deal of unhappiness comes from blaming. Deliberately let it all go, insofar as you can. You don’t need to be perfect.

A bunch of young men used to rent a house near me. They sometimes had noisy parties, with music I find unpleasant. Several neighbors were very upset, and eventually managed to get the authorities to evict the boys. My solution? I had a pair of earmuffs next to my bed. If a party started, I slept with them on. Besides, being skilled in mindfulness meditation helps.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness and tolerance go together, but are different. Say this wonderful Buddhist prayer, aloud or within your mind, once a day:

If I have caused harm to any being, knowingly or unknowingly, accidentally or on purpose, then I ask for forgiveness.

If anyone has caused me harm, knowingly or unknowingly, accidentally or on purpose, then I offer forgiveness.

It needs to be taken seriously, from your heart. The best time is when settling for sleep, because “you could possibly die during the night, and you should leave no bad feeling behind.”

– Dr. Bob Rich