Bob Rich’s Self-Therapy Guide: The Development of Resilience

Bob Rich’s book From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide is therapy in your pocket. Depression, anxiety, and other forms of suffering are all too common in our crazy world. Bob teaches you how to rise from that to “normal,” which is the walking wounded, then far above that, to inner strength enabling you to cope in any situation.

Recovering the Self published the first segment of Bob’s book in a series of posts starting from commentary on staying sane in a crazy world and ending with the quest for meaning via correspondence with young minds. The second segment of Bob’s work begins here with special attention to the meaning of depression, happiness, and resilience as well as the various influences in early and later life that make one vulnerable to depression.

In the previous post, Bob wrote about what plagues our planet that is costing it its happiness. In this tenth and final segment of his discussion in this second part of his series, he introduces readers to the development of resilience.

The Development of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back. Some people are fragile. When they crack under pressure, it takes a great deal for them to recover, if they ever do. Others are able to recover very quickly. As with other psychological characteristics, part of it is no doubt genetics, but, again, modeling is hugely important.

Prosilience: Building your resilience for a turbulent world by Linda Hoopes is a handbook on how to make yourself more resilient.

Also, improving your resilience is part of what I’ll teach you later.

Enclose a newly planted tree seedling in windproof surroundings for a couple of years. When you remove the protection, the first breeze will snap off branches, and a wind that’d make other young trees sway will shatter this one. This is because when a tree stem or branch is still young and flexible, its movements in the wind cause little fractures that heal, producing scar tissue that makes the tree strong. So, overprotecting the baby tree stops it from being resilient later.

I remember reading about a famous dog experiment when I was a student. Only, that was in the early 1960s, and for the life of me, I can’t find the reference.

Like-sex litter mates were assigned to experimental or control groups. Controls were given to families as normal pets. The experimental dogs were raised in doggy heaven: every wish granted, protected from all illness, all frustration, all pain. After two years, the experimental dogs were given to families matched on a number of factors to their litter mate’s.

All the experimental animals died within six months. Some died from infections because they didn’t have antibodies, but most from depression. When a meal is delayed, your dog may complain, but will get over it: eat the deferred treat, then get on with life. For these cosseted animals, it was a major tragedy that took them days to get over. A normal dog will shrug off minor injuries. The experimental dogs found the slightest pain intolerable. So, they couldn’t cope with real life. Sadly, it killed them.

Children should be raised like the control pups: treated with kind but firm discipline, and allowed to experience the rough and tumble of normal puppy life.

So, here, as with wealth, we have an example of the Buddhist concept of the golden middle. Childhood abuse leads to adult suffering. Overprotection leads to vulnerability. Perfect parenting is the golden middle: rules imposed with firm but loving discipline. It’s unconditional love and acceptance, while allowing the child to learn from mistakes.

It is clear rules, firmly enforced, with unconditional love, and the complete absence of physical and mental abuse. But you don’t have to be perfect. Parents are allowed to be human.

You may enjoy reading my little essay on cat love and dog love. Then there is a short story: Armour-coating our kids.

Homework

Now or later, you may want to read Prosilience: Building your resilience for a turbulent world by Linda Hoopes.

Again, I am setting a task I will give guidance on later in the book. It’ll be more powerful if you can invent it for yourself.

Do you have thin skin, what my wife describes as long toes (easy to step on)? Does the slightest bad luck drag you down? Do you find it difficult to overcome even minor adversity?

What can you do to toughen up? Devise a method for becoming more resilient, and try it out. Major habit change takes about three weeks of conscientious practice. Give it a good go, and see if it improves your life. If it’s not as good as you’ve hoped, tweak it and try again.

This is what I did for myself when I was a terribly depressed young fellow. It worked for me.

In the meantime, read on: next we explore techniques for controlling depression.

– Dr. Bob Rich

• Dr. Bob Rich
• Resilience