Anxiety and Depression
Bob Rich’s Self-Therapy Guide: Fixing the Thinking
Bob Rich’s book From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide is therapy in your pocket. Depression, anxiety, and other forms of suffering are all too common in our crazy world. Bob teaches you how to rise from that to “normal,” which is the walking wounded, then far above that, to inner strength enabling you to cope in any situation.
Recovering the Self published two sections of Bob’s book in a series of posts – the first section ending with the quest for meaning and the second section concluding with The Development of Resilience. The third section of Bob’s work begins here with special attention to various techniques and practices that are helpful in controlling depression.
Bob’s Message on Belief
Nothing works for everyone, but something works for everyone.
That’s to say, even the most effective, most powerful techniques fail for some people, but everyone can find something helpful. Only one thing makes you helpless: the belief that nothing can help. Belief is immensely powerful, so get your mind around this:
There Are Things That Work For You.
In this Part, I describe several techniques and approaches. Research shows each to work for many people. Some have a success rate approaching 90%. When you give one of them an honest go, it will probably be helpful. Even if it isn’t, don’t toss it in the trash. All things are change — it may well work for you the next time. Research also supports this.
Also, you’ll notice that they overlap. That’s OK, and it makes learning them easier.
I won’t give a complete catalogue of therapeutic approaches, because the ones below are more than enough. Some, like Emotion-Focused Therapy, are excellent, with good research support, but difficult if not impossible to do as self-therapy. You can read an excellent description of emotion-focused therapy here. Others have considerable overlap with the ones I have included.
Fixing the Thinking (CBT)
Emotions, thoughts, actions, bodily sensations form a plate of spaghetti. They’re all tangled together. There are forms of therapy that address each of these.
However, thoughts are more accessible for most people, and easier to modify, than other aspects of experience. And habits of thought and action are easier to change than habits of emotion. This is the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
Identifying damaging beliefs: The downward arrow technique
Raelene came to me because, at 25 years of age, she’d never had a steady boyfriend, far less a partner, and she’d finally given in to her mother’s nagging to do something about it. She was a remarkably beautiful young woman. One look, and I was sure the problem wasn’t lack of applicants. She was also doing postdoctoral research, competed in athletics, and had a wide group of both male and female friends.
First, I asked her if she had any objection to a romantic bond with someone. (Some people do.) She liked the idea and missed it, but said with a laugh, “I’ve tried dozens of times, but it never lasts.” She’d tried a lesbian relationship, but it ended within weeks, just like the ones with males.
I had her fill out the Beck Depression Inventory, because I didn’t have a clue why she was in this situation. Her score indicated moderate to severe depression. Like I’d been earlier in my life, she was a high-performing person carrying the dreadful load of persistent sadness.
We needed to find the automatic belief(s) that dragged her down. I had to start somewhere, so asked, “Please tell me about the last time you went on a date.”
“Oh, Paul? He is one of my training buddies, a champion hurdler. He’s been coaching me on technique ever since I came to this university.” (Naturally, I won’t tell you which one).
“How long have you known him?”
“About six months. And before you ask, he’s been making signals at me all that time.”
“And?”
“And I put him off. You know, settling into a new place, new job, new research project, no time for such nonsense.”
“But at last you went out with him?”
“My mother came for a visit, and happened to meet him.” She laughed. “If she was thirty years younger, I reckon she’d have jumped at him. Told me not to be stupid, and give him a go. So, I did.”
“Did you enjoy yourself?”
“No, or I wouldn’t be here. I kept thinking, this will spoil a good friendship.”
“What does it say about your long-term thinking to have the thought that a date with Paul will spoil a good friendship?”
“Let me think… He has many good qualities, and there is the risk that I may fall in love with him.”
“Suppose you fall in love with him. Why is that a risk?”
“Because such things never last. When we break up, it’ll always be between us.”
“What does it say about your long-term thinking to have the thought that such things never last?”
“Hmm. That I expect a relationship to always break down.”
“What does it say about you that you expect a relationship always to break down?”
She looked ready to cry. “It’s terrifying. I’d rather stay safe. You always lose whoever you love.”
This is the downward arrow technique, repeatedly but gently probing deeper through asking essentially the same question. It led us to a highly damaging core belief we could now work on.
You can use it on yourself. Suppose you consider enrolling in a course of study, but think, Why risk failing? It’s safer not to. OK, ask yourself what’s so bad about risking failure. Whatever your answer, keep probing downward, until you get at a basic, self-sabotaging belief you can put into words, perhaps for the first time. Now you are ready for self-therapy.
Or an acquaintance may have walked past you like you weren’t there, and you found yourself furious. This is an opportunity to unearth a damaging core belief. Sit down somewhere quiet and ask, “I got angry that Carol ignored me. What does that say about me?” Repeat this a few times, and you could find something like, “I must have everybody’s approval all the time. It’s terrible if I don’t.”
Homework
Look up “downward arrow technique” on a search engine, and watch a couple of the several video examples that’ll come up on the first page.
– Dr. Bob Rich
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