Spirituality
Bob Rich’s Self-Therapy Guide: Metta – the Unconditional Love
In this series, Dr. Bob Rich teaches you how to leave behind depression, anxiety, and other forms of suffering all too common in our crazy world. Recovering the Self published three sections of Bob Rich’s book From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide in a series of posts – the first section ending with the quest for meaning and the second section concluding with The Development of Resilience.
The third section of Bob’s work was marked by special attention to various techniques and practices that are helpful in controlling depression. It concluded with a discussion on values and their implication in therapy. Bob now shares the final section of his self-therapy guide that delves deeper into the practical side of his therapy work illustrating with examples from individual cases of his own patients. In the 6th post in this section, Bob illustrated the resilience of human mind after severe trauma. Here he explores the magic of metta and offers words that matter.
Metta – the Unconditional Love
The most important good thing you can send out is metta. What is that?
Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” This does not mean that we should put up with evil, with bad or even thoughtless behavior, but that we should deal with the perpetrator in a spirit of helpfulness and compassion.
English is an imprecise language. The word “love” has five different meanings. This Love Jesus talked about has a special word in Greek: “agape,” pronounced /agapi/. The conventional English spelling can result in confusion with having your mouth wide open. So, I prefer “metta,” which is what the same concept is called in Buddhist writings.
You can be an atheist and practice metta, and sadly, you can claim to follow a great religion like Christianity, and do the opposite. This is not a religious concept, but an ethical one.
It is deliberately making the choice of treating all other humans as our brothers and sisters. Read the wonderful Dalai Lama’s wonderful book, How to Practice.
For many years now, part of my daily meditation has been to send out metta. Sometimes, it’s to a particular person who needs it. Sometimes it’s to members of some group, like everyone in my neighborhood. It can even be to all living beings on earth. The hardest, of course, is to send it to myself, but that’s what I occasionally do. Because I don’t want to adapt to this activity, I vary it all the time, so it’s always fresh.
It is important to note that the recipient doesn’t need to know of my sending. The good effect is on me. If I also have a good influence on the other person, beauty.
Walking along a street, driving a car in traffic, sitting in a dentist’s waiting room, wherever I encounter other people, I often use one of many devices to send metta:
- “Metta to you,” I might think at a grumpy, aggressive-looking fellow.
- “Have a good life, you two” could be a silent wish for a young couple walking hand in hand. Wishing the other person a good life is often what I do when finishing a phone conversation with one of those pesky callers who try to trick money out of me.
- Here is a wish I often use when finishing an email, or within my mind to a stranger:
May you live in contentment;
May you be healthy (or “May your health improve” for someone in ill health);
May you rise to your challenges;
And may you grow spiritually.
- I’ve designed a collection of emailable cards. Each has a picture, and a wish to go with it. Here are a few of the wishes:
May EVERY DAY of your year be:
full of MEANING and PURPOSE
CONTENTMENT and JOY
BEAUTY and HARMONY.
Every day is special.
Cherish it, treat it as if it might be the last day of this life for you.
Another card has a picture of a huge, beautiful tree, with the text:
May your taproot anchor you to our planet.
May your branches reach the sky.
May your great lateral roots stabilize you against the storms of life.
May your being enrich the soil, purify the air, provide bounty for all that lives.
And when you finally pass on to the next stage of your existence, beyond death, may you be a better person, thanks to having lived, this time.
Then there is a photo of a beautiful eagle:
Her mighty wings lift her on the thermal updraft, lazily circling, far above all pain, all worry, all grief.
If she chose to flap those wings, she could fly with great speed, to any place, any time.
She is a magic eagle.
The great feathers of her tail steer her wherever she wants to go.
Great fierce beak; great fierce claws: everyone respects an eagle.
Up there she soars, perfect for her world, and her world perfect for her: Queen of the Sky.
Be that bird.
You’re welcome to use my words, but it’s more fun to make up your own. Find a nice pic to go with each, but keep file size small, and honor copyright.
Sonja’s work, and my personal experience, show that it’s essential to keep varying everything about sending metta, as is the case for all the devices I am describing below. Remember, we are actively raising long term mood, and this is done through variety, freshness, creativity, humor.
– Dr. Bob Rich
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