Recovering The SelfA Journal of Hope and Healing

Relationships

Using Christian Mingle and Other Sites to Find God’s Choice for You

Guest Blog

Love is patient, love is kind. Love can be rather hard to find! Particularly if you are looking for someone who shares your faith and wants to continue living life in the light of the Lord.

Often there may be an assumption that if you are Christian you can just date and marry someone within your church, however, that’s just not always as easy as people think. Whether you are a member of a small congregation or a mega church, there can be a number of reasons why dating people from within your church can be uncomfortable.

A lot of the time if you have been in the church since birth, everyone just feels like family, and the thought of dating one of your brothers is just horrid. This is when you might want to start looking to get more information about Christian Mingle or another similar online dating site that is aimed at Christians looking to meet other Christians.

Why Online Dating?

Online dating allows you to meet people that you may otherwise not encounter in your everyday life. People from different areas, or who simply move in different circles. There are a lot of single people in the world, but while the bible says two are better than one, sometimes trying to find the one that God has chosen for you requires you to make yourself available and take steps towards finding them.

Using the resources, you have at hand makes sense, and also allows you to really get to know someone without having the interference of a physical relationship. You are able to set up your profile to talk about yourself and explain what sort of person you are looking for. You are also able to view other people’s profiles and find out about them before you start to engage.

It becomes an easy and non-judgmental way to meet like-minded people – and this is even more important if you have children from a previous relationship or are just simply time poor, as often it is just simply impossible to try to get enough time free to develop a relationship in the flesh. While online you have instantly removed any travel time, which is time you can spend talking and getting to know each other.

Isn’t It Dangerous?

Although thriller novels love turning people who meet online into serial killers, it’s an 80s trope and bears no bearing on reality. However, just as you would for any situation where you might be meeting a strange person alone, let one of your friends know what your plans are, and do not assume that you are anonymous online (predicting your location isn’t hard, see this)

The biggest concern in cyberspace is more from fraudulent behavior online rather than despicable behavior in real life. Do not send money to anyone, no matter how well you think you know them online, do not offer anyone your credit card, and for the first meeting go somewhere public like a cafe, restaurant or bar.

If you do encounter anyone rude or harassing, take screenshots of the conversation and report them to the site. Most sites make this process very easy, as they want their users to have an enjoyable online dating experience.

It is also another reason to check out online reviews about dating sites – to make sure that you are likely signing up to the one that will suit you best and be less likely that you will have a negative experience.

Does Online Dating Work?

This is a bit harder to gauge accurately, as much of research looking into this has quite low success ratings, however, not everyone that actually signs up to these sites is looking for a long-term relationship. Particularly with options like tinder, they are notorious for being used by people wanting a casual physical intimacy for the night. However, there are also plenty of people who have used this app and resources like Christian mingle to meet their spouses and enjoy a long and happy marriage together.

How Will I Say We Met?

Before online dating there were blind dates, arranged marriages, personal ads and dating agencies, and these often ended up creating very happy marriages. Learn more about arranged marriages here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage.

In the modern world there is no shame in meeting people online, as that is how so many people are actually able to meet now, the world has changed so much, as we are no longer living and working in areas where we know everyone and form communities. Transport is such that we will often travel several hours away from where we actually live to get to work, which means we probably know the server in the coffeeshop next to our work better than we do our next-door neighbor.

So, although there is no shame in telling people that you met online, people often feel a little uncomfortable saying that they met through an online dating site, but again, this is not something to be embarrassed by. Extol the virtues of being matched algorithmically by interests and the chance to really get to know each other before your first meeting. then talk about where you first actually met. It is rarely advisable out outright lie, or even twist the truth, as when it comes out, as these things always do, it makes it seem like you have a seedy secret to hide, when all that you have done is found the love of your life.

What If There Is No One Local?

Dating sites are wonderful for their ability to help people from all over the world meet. You are an adult, there is no reason why you can’t travel, or why they can’t travel. Although it can be incredibly daunting meeting someone, if you’re not from a large city then the chances of you meeting someone who lives some distance from you gets higher.

Although you may be looking for another Christian, there is always the possibility that someone outside of your faith may be compatible too (see here for an analysis of Christian love in inter-religious perspectives.)

Don’t let that put you off, you never know until you try. Even if you absolutely love your hometown and couldn’t imagine ever leaving it, you don’t know what God has planned for you! You also don’t know what god has planned. For your potential partner. So, if you join an online dating site, do it with an open heart and an open mind and be prepared to see where it takes you.

 

 

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