Stop Putting Yourself Down and Boost Your Self-Esteem
by Elena Hughes
You beat yourself up over little things and worry constantly that the world is against you. You tell yourself you’re not worthy of all the good things in your life. You have low self-esteem and can’t seem to get away from it. You’ve been guilty of sabotaging yourself before by telling yourself you will fail.
You tell yourself these lies and you believe them. I know because I did too.
I had to change my self-talk, the things I would think when I messed up or when I was unsure what my partner was thinking. My thoughts would run wild with possibilities that would destroy me.
I started taking care of myself and recognized what was hurting me I was able to take further steps in boosting self-esteem. I started to write down the troublesome thoughts and really read and think about them. Once I realized the things I was afraid of, I could face my fears and see the truth.
Yes your loved ones are important, and their needs are important. But so are you! If you are constantly putting what your partner or friends want ahead of your own desires you are hurting yourself and your relationships.
Your self-esteem will start to grow as you start to spend more time on yourself. Start with the basics like taking consistent showers and keeping your body clean, especially when you don’t feel like it.
If you have problems with your self-image start taking steps to change; instead of fixating on the problem work on your solution. I was unhappy with my weight and the way I looked; I was depressed and constantly putting myself down. Then I realized – I can change. All I had to do was work on the solution, diet and exercise, and I lost 20 pounds and stopped calling myself “fat”.
Write Down Your Self-Talk
Negative self-talk is your worst enemy. We are given a nasty negative voice in our head that grows louder as we lose confidence. You have been told not to listen to it, but it is so convincing you can’t help but be persuaded. Especially if you’ve heard those words from people you’ve loved and trusted before.
You hurt your own self-esteem when you reinforce outside negativity. If you fill your head with things like:
- “I’m annoying and a burden”
- “I’m not capable of doing ___”
- “I’m not good enough for ___”
- “My friends don’t really like me”
You’re going to end up believing those thoughts and later embodying that attitude.
Those nagging, terrible feelings and beliefs that you probably don’t want to share, write them down. Write to yourself, “These are the things I am afraid of” and write down all of the negative things you think about yourself. As you’re writing you might start to realize how untrue they are.
Take Action Against Your Negativity
Now that you’ve decided to take care of yourself and written down your self-talk you can take action. If you’ve been taking care of your needs, have visualized and written down your negative self-talk, you may be able to see that your fears are a little irrational.
My fear was always not being good enough; but when you really think about that the proper response is “good enough for what?”
You are good enough for you! No one is perfect.
Start answering those negative, unforgiving questions and thoughts that yell at you with a simple, “I did my best,” or “I could have done better, and I will.” Never end your thoughts with a negative.
Always answer your self-talk with positivity. You can’t always tell that voice to stop or that it is even wrong; but you can reason with it. Those doubts don’t have to be hurtful if you don’t let them be.
Seek Help and Support
If you find your skills alone are not helping change your self-esteem and your depression won’t let up, seek outside help. You should try to keep people in your life who can support you in healthy ways. Friends and family are a great asset to talk out your self-talk and worries. Having an outside person tell you those terrible self-hating things are simply not true will help you jump into positive self-talk.
Continue to read articles about self-esteem if you’re not ready to talk about it with people in your life. Browse through forums and support groups online and you’ll find you are not alone! There are millions of people out there suffering from daily depression and low self-esteem, and there are millions of people out there ready to help.
Elena has spent her life fighting her own depression and helping those around her. She hopes to spread information and inspire others to build themselves back up and doing things that they love! Elena has her own website as The Writing Lady and writes to inform, inspire, and delight others!