Recovering The SelfA Journal of Hope and Healing


Getting Back to Dating After Having Been Married: Tips to Help You Get Going

by Solomon Ihahi Njoroge

You have found yourself back to the dating scene again after a divorce, death of a spouse, legal separation, or any other reason. The dominant feeling in you is that many things have changed since when you were last dating. You feel out of place and overwhelmed. You are also wondering if you will find a compatible partner in your age-group.

The starting point is to accept that you are in dating again.You also need to bear in mind that there are always chances to have new beginnings and that you can make it if you give it a shot and give yourself time.

Here are some tips to help you re-establish yourself in dating relationships after having been married.

dating post divorce

Tune your mind to dating.

While you may have got used to doing things in certain ways in marriage or stuck to a routine, you need to prepare your mind for new experiences. This is because in dating, you will encounter new things. What are some of the things that you wanted to do besides what your kids, friends, and family do? Identify such things–music, keeping fit, and others–and get passionate about them since these are possible attractions for a new lover.

Set reasonable expectations.

Unlike in marriage where you had specific expectations of your spouse and was assured of some security, dating is different and you need to have realistic expectations. At times, your date could have an idea of your expectations from marriage and be ready to meet them, but it may be different in other cases. You need also to be alive to the fact that dating relationships do not essentially have the same level of commitment as marriage and may not be exclusive. Expressing your expectations to your date early enough could be a good idea so that you are on the same page from the onset or let each other go your separate ways if the expectations do not align.

Interact with new people.

With dating, you must get out of your cocoon to meet new people and try to have fun as well as experience new things. Fortunately, there are many ways to interact with new people including attending singles events like seminars, speed dates, social functions like parties, and so on.

Online channels are also great ways of meeting potential partners. You could try dating apps, sites like Happymatches website, as well as social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and others. You have to create an appealing profile that emphasizes your strengths and different interests but avoid putting false information there or using other people’s photos.

Treat online channels like you are face-to-face and be open-minded as you approach and interact with people. Flirt and keep the communication going with people you meet online in the ways that you are comfortable with. However, you must be cautious since there are fraudsters and all sorts of tricky people online who could swindle you or steal your identity if you divulge too much.

Take things slowly as you start.

As you date, do not rush things like picturing a future with the new partner while on the first date. You should aim at having fun and getting the most out of the present moment. You should also not mislead a partner who has very big expectations into thinking that you are headed somewhere when you know you are not. Finding some common things to do or take part in is a great way to get to know each other gradually. It is also critical to first keep children, if there any, out of dating in the initial stages.


It is possible to get back to dating and find love again even when you had been married. Putting yourself in the best frame of mind is important as you start. You also need to be confident with yourself and avoid negative thoughts. With the above tips, you will get used to dating again and eventually find your soulmate.

About the Author

Solomon Ihahi Njoroge is an online freelance writer with extensive experience writing articles on various niches such as health and fitness, travelling, personal finance, relationships, online marketing, technology and others. He has been ghostwriting for various clients since May 2017 on a part-time basis as he holds an 8 to 5 job as a manager in one of the retail chains in Kenya. He has also been published on Medium and Thrive Global. He is passionate about researching and writing great content that converts. 

Solomon is a Bachelor of Commerce (Marketing) graduate from the University of Nairobi and a CPA finalist. When he is not in his 8 to 5 or writing, you will catch him reading novels, motivating people, especially the youth or listening to country music.

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