Relationships
Friendship Fallout: 4 Tips for Dealing with Mutual Friends After a Breakup
Guest Blog
Breakups. Aren’t they grand? Along with all the tears, tissues, and moments of despair, you have to drag yourself through the tedious practicalities of separating your belongings, lodging an individual tax return, and if you’re really unlucky, handling a messy divorce.
When the dust finally settles a little, the hard work still isn’t over, especially if it wasn’t the friendliest of breakups. You may be left with a host of uncomfortable feelings to process, and if you have shared friends, you may find yourself with few people to talk to about how you’re feeling.
Some friends may pick sides, others may make it clear that they aren’t comfortable discussing the breakup since they want to remain neutral. Either way, you find yourself in an uncomfortable position that requires far more social acuity than you have the emotional capacity for. Thankfully, there are some steps you can take to ease the awkwardness. Start with the following four strategies.
1. Acknowledge the Awkward
Let’s be real here – things are going to be weird. Forced small talk at gatherings, and the dreaded “who gets invited?” question are going to be part of the messy aftermath. The key is to acknowledge it without dwelling on the awkwardness too much. Bonus points if you can bring a bit of humor to the situation. Remember, your mutual friends are likely navigating their own discomfort – a little empathy goes a long way.
2. Boundaries are Your BFFs
Boundaries might not sound glamorous, but they’re your secret weapon in the fallout zone of a messy breakup. If you’re not ready to jump back into social gatherings with your ex, politely decline invitations or suggest alternative plans. It’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being!
Communicate your boundaries with your mutual friends – a simple, “I’m not quite ready for group hangouts yet, but maybe we can grab coffee soon?” sets clear expectations while keeping the door open for future connection.
3. Let Go and Accept the Seasonality of Some Friendships
Friendships, like people, evolve and change. Sometimes, people drift apart, interests diverge, or life simply takes you in different directions. Sometimes, a big change in your life – like a breakup – reveals this seasonality.
By accepting the choices of friends who drift away, you free yourself to appreciate the good times you shared. This doesn’t mean you have to erase these people from your life, but it does free you to redefine the relationship (or lack thereof) on your own terms.
4. Focus on New Friendships
A broken friendship doesn’t have to mean a shrinking social circle. This is the perfect opportunity to explore new connections, reconnect with old acquaintances, or join a club you’ve always been curious about. Who knows? Do this authentically, and you’ll likely discover amazing people who share your passions and make you laugh until your sides hurt (the good kind of hurt, of course).
You Can Do This
Breakups are a bummer, and they hurt even more when friends are caught up in the fallout. However, this also presents an opportunity to surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to vent to a close friend, family member, or therapist. Talking things out can be incredibly cathartic and help you process this emotional rollercoaster.
The “fallout zone” might feel desolate at first, but with time, new connections will bloom, and you’ll emerge stronger, with a clearer understanding of what you value in friendships (and in life). So, take a deep breath, dust yourself off, and remember, you can get through this.
