Resentments

A Poem by Doug Parker

When the magic is gone,

raw, unexposed, drain of enthusiasm

like a switch clicking backwards,

emotions too fragile to continue this,

and you believe it’s true.

Even when you know it’s an excuse,

triggered by guilt or somebody else’s words, another’s poison,

you buy it because it gives you a way out, a way to take that gaping bite out

of your tiresome love

and you believe it’s true

And you don’t share it because

the ones you’d tell are all bad now,

holding secret thoughts, worse than yours

a feeling of awful relief glides through you

and you believe it’s true

Perfect immediate fixation on a hoax

becoming real and tight, alluring

as your thoughts mutate into a decision

to leave the light because your magnificent growth

seems weak and weary and worn out,

and you believe it’s true.

Now is the time to cast the choice in stone, the right

split-second of etching it into the cold, hard rock, when you know

you can drink the wine and suck the devil’s smoke

because that’s all you’re ever really worth,

and you believe it’s true.

All this, you believe is true

because your heart hurts and the fabric of your spirit is frayed

by a slight inequity with no meaning

and you’ve learned to look for meaning

so it goes against your new nature to find none

and this one’s so small you can’t even see its absence

but it’s way more than plenty to ruin you.

About the Author

Doug Parker is an award-winning published author living in Southern California.  He is currently a Master of Arts degree candidate in Humanities and creative writing at Mount Saint Mary’s College in Los Angeles.

• Resentments