Thoughts on Obituaries

by Marlene Mesot

Sooner or later we are all going to need one. This is not going to be a comedic or a morbid recitation. Hopefully by the end, it will be uplifting and purposeful, so I hope you will stay with me.

When I was growing up I can remember my grandparents remarking to each other, “Oh, you know so and so died.” They always read the obituaries in the newspaper. At that age I thought who in the world would want to read that! Now having had survived the funerals of friends and relatives, my thinking has changed, especially since I wrote one for my husband.

Things have changed over the years regarding this practice. There was never a photo with the obit in the paper until more recent years. I remember the funeral director telling me that the names of grandchildren weren’t usually listed in the obit when my grandparents died during the 1980s. I pleaded to be mentioned as I was especially close to my grandmother and was the only grandchild. I always said she was as much a mother to me as her daughter, my mother, actually was. When my father died in 1991, there was an American flag in the upper left corner as he was a World War II veteran. There was a photo for my mother-in-law, who passed in 2008.

In addition to the pertinent information about funeral and burial arrangements, and a family chronology, the obit is meant to give a summation of the person’s life as a remembrance. I wish now that I had included a bit more about my husband’s hobbies and not worry so much about the genealogical inclusions. For example, he climbed Mt. Washington in New Hampshire numerous times with different friends, our sons and Mastiff dogs. He was a breeder and exhibitor of English mastiffs and Morgan horses. He also bred brahman bulls for a time. For about eight years he was a team member of Gate City Blind Bowlers in Greensboro, NC, where we worked, a branch of the American Blind Bowlers Association. We owned a tandem bicycle briefly early in our marriage, before the boys came along, which we enjoyed.

Today, you can find obituaries of recent years online. I recently came across an obituary of a family friend, Norman, who had accompanied my husband Albert on several of the aforementioned Mt. Washington hikes. Mt. Washington is the fourth highest mountain in the U. S. behind Mt. Mitchell in North Carolina, which is number three. I count it a privilege to have been able to post a comment and photo to Norman’s page, which was accepted subject to family approval. I know it meant a lot to me to have family and friends post to my husband’s page. I have also posted on several online friends pages, which had been shared by family members.

It is said that funerals are for the living, the ones left behind. I always dreaded going to funerals. Now that I have been here for seven decades, I’m beginning to see the purpose of the event. (I’m almost historical. Only five more years to go.) Being able to express my feelings about the loved one has felt like a privilege and a sort of closure, hoping to bring a touch of comfort to those who have suffered the loss and making me feel as if I have contributed something toward that end. I want people to know that the deceased person made an impact on another’s life.

About the Author

Marlene Mesot writes contemporary Christian mystery, suspense, romance, short stories and poetry. She has also written a one act play which is included as bonus material in her novel The Purging Fire.

Marlene Mesot, an only child, grandchild and niece from Manchester New Hampshire, and deceased husband Albert, have two sons, two grandchildren and English Mastiff dogs. She is legally blind and moderately deaf due to nerve damage at premature birth. She has loved writing since early childhood.

Marlene holds a Bachelor of Education degree from Keene State in Keene, New Hampshire and a Masters in Library and Information Studies from U-NC Greensboro, North Carolina. Visit her website http://www.marlsmenagerie.com.

• Marlene Mesot
• obit
• obituaries