Grief
Normalizing Grief: Breaking the Silence and Embracing Healing
by Kelci Jager
In our lives, we all go through the tough stuff – death, loss, and grief are just part of the deal. Even though we’re no strangers to death and funerals in today’s world, the real impact of grief often doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Society pushes this idea of keeping it together and being strong, making it kinda tricky to get into the nitty-gritty of grief. It puts this rush on those who are grieving to bounce back fast without really taking the time to deal with their pain. This often leaves a painful gap in the hearts of those who’ve lost someone, and guess what? Society usually turns a blind eye to it, pretending it’s all good and expecting folks to go back to their usual selves.
In this article, I will talk about the stuff that often gets swept under the rug—the struggle to cope with loss and the pressure to put on a brave face when your world is falling apart. I will take a closer look at this rollercoaster of emotions, challenge what’s considered normal, and lend a hand to those trying to find their way through this.
The Unspoken Reality
The truth is, navigating grief in a healthy way is a skill we aren’t often taught. Emotional resilience and coping mechanisms for loss are not part of our cultural curriculum. Some may even mistakenly view grief as a sign of weakness, a problem to be solved rather than a natural process to be experienced. When my husband died at the age of 40, I was expected to just take it in stride. I was told over and over again by well-meaning friends and family members that I needed to remain strong for our four young sons. I thought I had to push my feelings aside and pull myself together for everyone else. I tried to outrun my grief; I tried to resist feeling my emotions. What I discovered is that grief will wait. It will grow, it will fester, and it will eventually force its way to the surface in some form or another.
Acknowledging the Unspoken
The first step in healing is breaking the silence surrounding grief. It’s okay not to be okay, and acknowledging your feelings is crucial. For me, this realization came slowly, as I grappled with the overwhelming emotions that followed my husband’s death. It requires a shift in perspective, recognizing that grief is not a weakness but a testament to the love and connection shared with the people we’ve lost. Grief and mourning are actually part of the healing process, and our souls know how to navigate them. However, society’s expectations to quickly move on can create a sense of isolation. By opening up about your grief, you create a space for understanding and compassion. I felt so alone in this journey, but I found solace in sharing my experiences with others. The connection I found with other grievers became my lifeline. It is crucial to have support from people who understand what you are experiencing during this difficult time.
Embrace Your Grief
Grief is not a problem to be solved but a process to be experienced. I’ve learned to give myself permission to feel and express my emotions. Embracing this mindset has allowed me to recognize that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a courageous acknowledgment of my humanity. What’s more, I’ve come to understand that emotions are not solely processed in the mind; they are deeply intertwined with our bodily experiences. When I experience grief, my body responds in various ways, such as muscle tension, increased heart rate and breathing patterns.
The pressure from society to conform to a perceived normalcy tempted me to suppress my grief, but I’ve discovered that true healing comes from embracing it. I’ve learned to allow myself the time and space needed to navigate the complex emotions that accompany loss, honoring the connection between my body and emotions as part of my healing journey. It’s been a deeply personal and transformative process, one that has taught me the importance of listening to and honoring my body’s responses as I navigate through grief.
Learn Healthy Coping Strategies
Navigating grief is a unique journey for each individual, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Learning healthy coping strategies involves a personalized exploration of mechanisms that resonate with an individual’s emotional and psychological needs. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and journaling, offer avenues for self-reflection and emotional release. Support groups provide a communal space for shared experiences and mutual understanding. The key is to tailor coping mechanisms to fit the unique needs of the grieving individual, recognizing that what works for one may not work for another. By learning and incorporating healthy coping strategies, individuals cultivate emotional resilience, empowering them to navigate the journey of grief with strength and understanding.
Transform Pain into Love
Transforming pain into love has been a life-changing transformation for me, one that involved gaining insights, tools, and new perspectives. Through this transformative shift, I’ve learned to celebrate the positive memories, cherish the lessons learned, and honor the enduring impact my husband continues to have on me. Instead of dwelling on the loss, I’ve focused on the beautiful life we shared and the love and bond that continues. Death ends a life, but it doesn’t have to end a relationship.
This shift in perspective has not only contributed to my peace but has also allowed me to maintain a continued connection with my husband. By choosing to honor his memory through love rather than grief, I’ve been able to create a meaningful legacy that endures beyond his physical presence. It’s a tribute that reflects the depth of our connection and the profound impact he continues to have on my life.
Conclusion
In a world that often rushes past grief, it’s essential to recognize that healing is a process, not a destination. By acknowledging the unspoken, embracing your grief, and learning healthy coping strategies, you pave the way for transformation. The journey through grief is an opportunity to honor and remember your loved one with a depth of love that transcends the pain. Together, let’s break the silence, navigate the maze of grief, and foster healing that allows for a more compassionate understanding of the human experience.
About the Author
Kelci Jager, a Certified Life Coach, Grief Coach, and Registered Nurse, found herself navigating the challenging terrain of grief when she lost her 40-year-old husband to leukemia. Left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life as a solo parent to their four sons, Kelci faced the fear of her children losing her too. However, her determination to RISE and thrive became her driving force. With a blend of professional expertise and a deeply personal journey as a widow and solo parent, Kelci possesses a strong foundation and a unique perspective. She is passionately committed to providing support and guiding others on their grief journey. For more information visit risewithgrief.com.
