Recovering The SelfA Journal of Hope and Healing


Making Friends with Fear

Guest Blogger: by Nancy Oelklaus

Journey From Head to Heart: Living and Working AuthenticallySome speakers, when they tell their life story, say they felt there was a hole in them that they kept trying to fill. My story is that there seemed to be a big ball of something outside of me that separated me from others and cushioned all experience. I’ve come to understand that the name of that ball is fear.

Recently I’ve become aware that one of my greatest fears has come to me. I’m living in it. Never mind what it is or where it came from. If I told you, you would laugh–because to most people, it is a blessing. But I was raised to fear it, so here I am, uncomfortable!

Author Betty Sue Flowers once gave great advice to someone who was terrified that she would end up as a greeter at Wal-Mart. She told the woman to go do it. Once she had experienced it, she wouldn’t have to fear it any more.

This advice makes sense to me, as I realize that’s exactly what I’m doing–making friends with fear.

Fear is a powerful force. It affects stock markets, bank accounts, health, personal effectiveness, and relationships. The opposite of fear is faith, which is what we exercise when we walk into our fear and make friends with it. Since faith is a higher state of being, it’s a happier place to be.

So I’m going to change my self-talk from, “Oh, my gosh, I’m doing what I’m terrified of!” to “I’m exercising faith and enjoying my life.”

It’s really rather nice not to have to carry that big ball around with me.

About the Author

Nancy Oelklaus

Nancy Oelklaus is a personal life coach based in Austin, Texas and the author of Journey From Head to Heart: Living and Working Authentically as well as Alphabet Meditations for Teachers and co-author of Rewriting Life Scripts, with Liliane Desjardins and Irene Watson.

Nancy Oelklaus leads Hye Road Retreats with horseman Lindy Segall. Learn more at

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Recovering The Self is a forum for people to tell their stories. Individual contributors accept complete responsibility for the veracity, accuracy, and non-infringement of their reporting.
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