Recovering The SelfA Journal of Hope and Healing

Mindfulness

How a Perfectionist Attitude Is a Self-Destructive Behavior

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Guest Blogger: Katy Reevesand clock

Setting unachievable goals right at beginning make you feel tired before you could actually achieve something. Try to understand that not every work can have a mark of perfection especially if you are in the learning stage. Others obsessed about perfection may consider leaving a work in the middle if it doesn’t seem good enough to earn awards. They say it is not the destination as much as the journey that counts. Try to complete whatever you start and don’t leave it just because you feel it’s not perfect. The obsession for perfection can destroy your self-esteem and prevent you from discovering your capabilities.

Setting unrealistic goals

How many times have your nose-dived into a project and soon after decided to quit? Think again! You may be setting unrealistic goals that are neither practical nor possible. Such goals will only increase your exhaustion. Go slow and steady so that you can pick up possible risks and avoid them on the way. Amanda also had one such unrealistic goal when she decided to take aerobics to trim some fat and come in shape. However, her mistake was that she went for advanced aerobics right in the beginning.

After a few days at the gym, she became so tired that she gave up the idea completely. She was so exhausted from the hard training sessions that she never bothered to join for several months. Make sure you are not in a habit of quitting too often. This could possibly mean that your goals are unrealistic. Start slow and small to work up the ladder!

Giving a tough time to yourself

In just about every aspect of life, there are some small steps involved. You have to work through them to reach the final result. However, many people just focus on the rewards and end result and we perceive that is the only success. In reality, that must not be the case. You must acknowledge all the small steps you took towards the goal. Give yourself some credit for each step you took no matter how small and effortless it was. This will prevent you from the self-defeating behavior that results from perfectionism. Behavior modification technique is another way to address this issue.

Desire and impatience to know everything

Rule out the possibility that you can find all answers in one day. Even if you do, it will only confuse you and prevent you from making a decision. Let’s consider the example of Alex who wanted to invest so that he could have savings for the future. He conducted a thorough research from books, and internet. As a result, he was more puzzled than ever before knowing all the answers. Now it was the fear of knowing everything that made him unpredictable. Therefore, he was unwilling to take risks. Knowing everything is part of perfectionism but at times, it ruins your chances of success.

I don’t need help

There is a possibility that the problems we are facing today, someone else had dealt with the same problems in the past. Perhaps, they can help you or if they can’t, there is no point in hiding simply because they may already know what you are going through. If you are trying to fool anyone, then you are fooling no one other than yourself. With every action, we send out a message that the people around us happen to pick and most of the time their assumptions are correct. Usually people hide their problems out of embarrassment and they believe that they can take care of it on their own. We assume that we are perfect and we don’t seek help. In reality, every one of us will require help.

Act what you are not

One of the aspects of perfectionist attitude is that it demands you to follow the rules of the society and do everything according to standards. This means you have to adopt career and pastimes that are acceptable around you. Nothing in your life is much according to your choice. This act of yours can often make you look what you are not. You would always have to act to be accepted in the society. This self-defeating attitude will take you away from your own goals since you will be suppressing your dreams to act according to norms.

Predicting outcomes

We never know how a given situation could unfold. However, most of us will act as fortunetellers trying to predict how bad an outcome could be. When we make decisions based on these predictions, the ending situation is disastrous. Consider the situation of Simon who sabotaged a perfect relationship just because he was confident about his predictions. Do you feel you are experienced enough to predict outcomes? Try not to test your fortune-telling instincts on relationships, or bigger matters. Let’s just say that intuition can be harmful in this case.

About the Author

Katy is an avid blogger who is deeply motivated by exercises and modern fitness tools to stay in shape. Reading through her articles is an exhilarating experience for those who seek motivation in life. Follow Katy on Twitter @KatyReeve92.

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Recovering The Self is a forum for people to tell their stories. Individual contributors accept complete responsibility for the veracity, accuracy, and non-infringement of their reporting.
Inclusion in Recovering The Self is neither an endorsement nor a confirmation of claims presented within. Sole responsibility lies with individual contributors, not the editor, staff, or management of Recovering The Self Journal.