Category Archives: Self-Esteem

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How a Perfectionist Attitude Is a Self-Destructive Behavior

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Guest Blogger: Katy Reevesand clock

Setting unachievable goals right at beginning make you feel tired before you could actually achieve something. Try to understand that not every work can have a mark of perfection especially if you are in the learning stage. Others obsessed about perfection may consider leaving a work in the middle if it doesn’t seem good enough to earn awards. They say it is not the destination as much as the journey that counts. Try to complete whatever you start and don’t leave it just because you feel it’s not perfect. The obsession for perfection can destroy your self-esteem and prevent you from discovering your capabilities.

Setting unrealistic goals

How many times have your nose-dived into a project and soon after decided to quit? Think again! You may be setting unrealistic goals that are neither practical nor possible. Such goals will only increase your exhaustion. Go slow and steady so that you can pick up possible risks and avoid them on the way. Amanda also had one such unrealistic goal when she decided to take aerobics to trim some fat and come in shape. However, her mistake was that she went for advanced aerobics right in the beginning.

After a few days at the gym, she became so tired that she gave up the idea completely. She was so exhausted from the hard training sessions that she never bothered to join for several months. Make sure you are not in a habit of quitting too often. This could possibly mean that your goals are unrealistic. Start slow and small to work up the ladder!

Giving a tough time to yourself

In just about every aspect of life, there are some small steps involved. You have to work through them to reach the final result. However, many people just focus on the rewards and end result and we perceive that is the only success. In reality, that must not be the case. You must acknowledge all the small steps you took towards the goal. Give yourself some credit for each step you took no matter how small and effortless it was. This will prevent you from the self-defeating behavior that results from perfectionism. Behavior modification technique is another way to address this issue.

Desire and impatience to know everything

Rule out the possibility that you can find all answers in one day. Even if you do, it will only confuse you and prevent you from making a decision. Let’s consider the example of Alex who wanted to invest so that he could have savings for the future. He conducted a thorough research from books, and internet. As a result, he was more puzzled than ever before knowing all the answers. Now it was the fear of knowing everything that made him unpredictable. Therefore, he was unwilling to take risks. Knowing everything is part of perfectionism but at times, it ruins your chances of success.

I don’t need help

There is a possibility that the problems we are facing today, someone else had dealt with the same problems in the past. Perhaps, they can help you or if they can’t, there is no point in hiding simply because they may already know what you are going through. If you are trying to fool anyone, then you are fooling no one other than yourself. With every action, we send out a message that the people around us happen to pick and most of the time their assumptions are correct. Usually people hide their problems out of embarrassment and they believe that they can take care of it on their own. We assume that we are perfect and we don’t seek help. In reality, every one of us will require help.

Act what you are not

One of the aspects of perfectionist attitude is that it demands you to follow the rules of the society and do everything according to standards. This means you have to adopt career and pastimes that are acceptable around you. Nothing in your life is much according to your choice. This act of yours can often make you look what you are not. You would always have to act to be accepted in the society. This self-defeating attitude will take you away from your own goals since you will be suppressing your dreams to act according to norms.

Predicting outcomes

We never know how a given situation could unfold. However, most of us will act as fortunetellers trying to predict how bad an outcome could be. When we make decisions based on these predictions, the ending situation is disastrous. Consider the situation of Simon who sabotaged a perfect relationship just because he was confident about his predictions. Do you feel you are experienced enough to predict outcomes? Try not to test your fortune-telling instincts on relationships, or bigger matters. Let’s just say that intuition can be harmful in this case.

About the Author

Katy is an avid blogger who is deeply motivated by exercises and modern fitness tools to stay in shape. Reading through her articles is an exhilarating experience for those who seek motivation in life. Follow Katy on Twitter @KatyReeve92.

Staying True to Yourself: A Message to College Students

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Guest Blogger: Lauren Bailey

Every year, as summer comes to an end and the weather cools off, thousands of students across the country head off to college. Offering the chance for a fresh start and the promise of new opportunity, this is a rite of passage for many and symbolizes the beginning of a new era. With many settling into unfamiliar places, they will undoubtedly make new friends, learn new things and even change a bit—and that’s completely normal. Personal growth is a natural, healthy part of life and is to be expected.

However, what’s not healthy is losing sight of what YOU deem important as an individual in hopes of fitting in and being “accepted.” As someone who works with and around college students on a regular basis, I’ve seen it happen all-too-often—the lonely college freshman finally manages to make some friends, and, in an attempt to hold onto them, compromises his or her own values. Depending on the situation, this can seem harmless and innocent enough at first, but in all honesty it really isn’t.

College is the time you should be figuring out who you are as a person. You should be defining what you deem important and figuring out what, exactly, it is you want out of this crazy thing we called life. And, maybe it’s just me, but that doesn’t seem too easy when you are being untrue to yourself and ignoring your inner voice in hopes of being part of the “popular” crowd.

What’s more is this concept of the “popular” crowd is so ridiculous. I know, you have been told all of your life that it’s what’s on the inside that’s important and your “coolness” factor doesn’t matter, but there really is truth to these statements. Your definition of what is fun, and “cool” might not align with your roommate’s. You and your sorority sisters might disagree about ideological principles. Whatever the situation, you need to realize that it’s OK to have differing views of the world than those around you—after all you are an individual with your own unique experiences, are you not? So, during this time, learn to celebrate and accept your individuality rather than mask it. What do you think you’ll gain from depriving yourself from what makes you happy, anyway? ABOSLUTELY NOTHING.

Now, while some of you might already understand these concepts and find it ridiculous I’m listing it in an article, others will have to learn these lessons the “hard” way. You’ll have to make the wrong friends, go to the wrong parties, change your major for the WRONG reasons, and that’s OK, after all college is supposed to be a learning experience, just make sure you take the lessons to heart.

You’ll probably do a lot of growing up in college and come to realize this on your own if you haven’t already, but the only person you should be living your life for is you. If you have a passion for something, pursue it. If you have a disdain for something, avoid it. So what if everyone thinks your career aspirations are ridiculous—chase them anyways, because only you know what you are and aren’t capable of and what will ultimately bring you the most happiness out of life.

So, while it may be all too tempting to listen to outside influences telling you to do this or that, remember to first consult your heart and gut on the matter. These are important things to remember throughout your life, and you should carry them with you as the years pass. Life is too short to be anything but completely true to and honest with yourself—remember this and you’re sure to live a life of happiness and fulfillment.

 

About the Author

Lauren Bailey is an education writer and freelance blogger. She welcomes comments and questions via email at blauren99@gmail.com.

What is Causing Negativity in Your Life?

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Guest Blogger: Beth Sager

There are many causes of negativity. Sometimes, a person can be their own worst enemy. Be honest, have you ever caught yourself thinking negative thoughts? Self-sabotage is only one area that might be causing negativity in your life. Friends and family just might be another.

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“I’m not smart enough to get that new job.”

“No one would want to hire me.”

“I can’t ask someone out. Who would want to date me?”

Everyone has had a negative thought run through their head from time to time, but allowing these kinds of thoughts on a day-to-day basis tends to turn the thoughts into reality. If you tell yourself enough times that you can’t get a job, or a partner, or a raise, or what have you, in the end, you’ll be right. If you want to truly improve your life, you must stop the cycle of self-sabotage.

Sometimes it isn’t just you telling yourself that you’re not good enough. Sometimes it is those who are supposed to love you the most, your friends and family. They may not even realize they are doing it. At times, they may feel they have your best interest at heart. Perhaps they are simply unhappy in their own lives and are living in their own cloud of negativity and don’t realize how it is affecting others.

You can break out of the negative hold your friends and family have on you. It truly is your choice. That may seem odd, but only you can decide how someone else’s actions will affect you. Just because they are negative or upset about a situation, does not mean you need to be as well.

It is your choice whether or not to be involved in their issues. Sometimes a little distance is a good thing. You might not be able to pick your family, but you did pick your friends. If you find that your friends are bringing negativity into your life, it might be time to consider letting them go.

It’s never easy to end a friendship, but sometimes it is necessary. People tend to attract what they put out. If your friends are negative, it’s important to take a good look at yourself first. If you are projecting negativity, then you are likely to attract it. If you can attract the bad, you can also attract the good.

Once you determine what is causing the negativity in your life, it’s up to you to take the necessary steps to drive out the negative and bring in the positive.

Need More Help? Psychic Source live advisors can help you with the questions you may have about life. Their psychics will use clairvoyance to see the true direction for you.

About the Author

Beth Sager is a freelance writer of web content for the past three years. She also writes plays and has had several produced and published. She has a BA and MFA in Creative Writing. She lives in South Carolina with her two dogs, Truman and Sammy. She wrote this article on behalf of Psychic Source.

3 Ways to Develop Self-Confidence

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Guest Blogger: Michael Williams

Whether you are a politician, an athlete, or a computer programmer, self-confidence is a trait you must have in order to succeed and achieve results in your field. However, some people are not born with self-confidence but build it over time. In this article, we will give you some practical methods to build your self-confidence easily and quickly.

The first step is to know your strengths. Make a list of the things you are good at, and the things you like about yourself that make you different. Read this list to yourself every day, and remind yourself that you have many wonderful traits that not many people share. Most of us simply become used to our good sides and forget that we are talented in many ways, each one in his own unique way. By reminding yourself your worth, you will start to feel better about yourself and your self-esteem will grow.

The second step is to fix your body language. 80% of the first impression you make, and the image people have about you in their mind, is not based on your words but on your non-verbal cues. Your body language, tonality, and eye contact all define how people will perceive you; so you must maintain strong and confident body language. Keep your back straight, maintain strong posture, and keep your chin up; and you will gain self confidence easily and quickly.

There is a strong mind-body link here, so just by maintaining a strong body language, your mind will start to feel more confident and you will radiate assurance.

Another step that helps you feel better about yourself is to do sports. Sport activity helps you produce endorphins that make you feel good, and you will also feel better about your body as a result. If you are a man, consider doing weight training as it increases your dominance, testosterone levels, and makes you stronger and more confident. People will perceive you as stronger and therefore you will also start to see yourself as stronger.

In conclusion, there are many ways to gain self-confidence that you can use right now and improve your life.

About the Author

Michael Williams is a writer dedicated to helping people gain self-confidence and improve their lives.

Positive Affirmations were My Transformation!

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Guest Blogger: Thomas Allan

Such a simple tool, positive affirmations, but they have been my transformation and my one constant through the last two decades and beyond.

Before I get into my story, I’d like to make sure you know what positive affirmations are.

To define them simply, they are just positive statements which you say to yourself to affirm something to be true (even if it’s not… yet).

For example you could say affirmations for confidenceto yourself, if you wanted to improve your confidence and become more social and outgoing (this is how I got started). To give some actual examples, these would be statements such as:

“I am confident within myself and love myself unconditionally.”

“I am confident, outgoing, social, and friendly.”

“Every day I become more outgoing and confident.”

You can see they are actually just simple statements really, and the theory is that over time, these statements become so natural to you, you hear them so often (as you repeat them each morning and evening), and they become a self-fulfilling prophecy—they sink deep down within your subconscious mind and they become a real and lasting part of who you are.

And let me tell you, this is much more than a theory for me – this is how it happened to me when I first started, and I was amazed that such a simple tool, such a simple daily practice could yield such results.

My Story

I first started using positive affirmations when I was 17 years old… a long time ago now.

I was a shy, introverted teen, but I wanted nothing more than to go to parties, become more social and chat to some girls.

There was no way (that I could see) to develop myself… there was no Internet to consult with the type of self-improvement information available today, there was no way I would even consider asking anyone for help (for fear of them laughing about me), I thought I was stuck and didn’t know how I could improve… until I read an article in a magazine about positive affirmations.

That was the first day of the rest of my life. I finished reading the article and started straight away. I wrote my first affirmations for confidence, and like the article said, I stood at the mirror and said them every morning and ever evening before bed. Just 5 minutes at a time.

Straight away I noticed a difference, not huge, but just a feeling of positivity, excitement, the potential for change… Then within two weeks, I really did notice a significant difference in my self-perception, in my self-belief, and in my outgoing confidence and social skills.

This first experience only made me push further forward, I kept saying my affirmations and soon I started making more of an effort socially, within a few months, my social circle doubled and I started going to the parties I always wanted to—then four months into my affirmations experiment, I got my first real girlfriend. One day I looked back on my life and saw it transformed!

I could have cried for happiness at what a difference there was between now and just a few months earlier… but I didn’t, I was ,at the same time too excited to cry—excited about the future possibilities, about how else I could use affirmations to enhance my life and to excel in other areas.

And so I did. Over the years positive affirmations have always been with me. I have written out hundreds and hundreds for all different areas of my life at different times and different pursuits.

Using Affirmations for Health

Later in my life, I found myself with some health complications after a motorbike accident. Without going into too much detail, it was quite serious, consisting of both broken bones and internal injuries and I required a few rounds of surgery—each time was supposed to be the last but due to other problems or unsuccessful attempts, I had to have a few operations.

To start with, I was ok mentally, but the operations really wore me out and I was really quite sick too, of course.

Then I realised I had never used affirmations for health before; so I started there and then. I wrote my own, based on how I was feeling compared to how I wanted my health to be.

Once again, the results were phenomenal, and I am certain it was the affirmations at play!

First of all, I felt much more mentally able, I felt more upbeat and positive, and less drowsy and down. Then within a week, I started to pickup physically. I didn’t need as much sleep; I had more energy; and then with consultations with doctors they said they were impressed with my progress and maybe I wouldn’t need my 4th operation yet.

That 4th operation never came and I made a full recovery, and the turning point for me was crystal clear—when I started using my affirmations again.

Using Affirmations for Business

The main way I have used affirmations though is for business success; to help me acquire a positive and focused mindset, to help me to think like other successful entrepreneurs, investors and businessmen do, to boost my confidence (of course), and to get me into the right state of mind to pitch to investors, other directors, or to present sales presentations.

Over the last 20 years, I have been successful in business, I live a lifestyle of my design and I have owned or do own online businesses, real estate portfolios, land, and have partnered in several offline retail and service-based businesses.

All along this journey, and still to this day, I have used positive affirmations to help me get to where I wanted to be.

Positive affirmations for me aren’t a quick fix, or a passive pursuit—if you take them seriously, repeat them daily and use them consistently, then they could be all you need; they are all I have ever needed.

About the Author

Thomas Allan is a positive affirmations enthusiast. He runs the world’s largest collection of free affirmations – visit today to browse 1000s of affirmations for almost every personal development goal imaginable.