Category Archives: Relationships

old man

Switch Roles: Adjusting To A Rebellious Older Parent

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Guest Blogger: Jonathan Rosenfeld old man

It may be shocking for caretakers to hear one of their aging parents say something that may be perceived as ‘rude’. Perhaps you are trying to discuss their finances but they refuse to discuss the situation. These situations may appear strange at first, but they are likely. What is the alternative? Letting problems go unchecked as if nothing is happening? That certainly does not seem realistic either.

How you can adjust

For most children, taking on the new role of “parenting your parent” can lead to both anxiety and stress. If you want to learn how to adjust to this new role as best you can, there are five distinct strategies that you can take. They might not all be applicable, but you can probably use several of them in order to minimize your own frustrations.

  • Accept that your parent is aging – This is not something that will go away or become easier for that matter. The behavior of an aging person can change dramatically because of memory loss, dementia, and other conditions. The sooner you accept that this will not change, the easier it may become to learn to accept it. Realize that this may not be easy to come to terms with, but also realize that this is the current situation in which you find yourself.
  • Start collecting information – If your parent displays red flags, signs of trouble, it is important to start collecting information as quickly as possible. Is there a healthcare proxy set up? A trust? Durable power of attorney? Where are these located now? When was the last time they were updated? It may fall upon you to take these over one day. You need to have a decent idea where bank accounts are kept in the event that you need to access financial information.
  • Take action if needed – If you find that your parent is a danger to him- or herself or others during activities such as buying groceries, paying bills, or driving, it is important that you step in. Again, there is no easy way to have this discussion (though you can have it diplomatically), but it is simply something that has to be done.
  • Do not expect logic – Oftentimes children make the mistake of assuming their parents will listen to logical arguments about why it is that they need help. Remember that for the parents, it is not about logic; it is about the fear of losing control. Respect that feeling and acknowledge it.
  • Avoid being reactive – Unfortunately, parents may become upset with the limits or “rules” that you are setting. You do not have to engage in an argument; just do what you need to do. Especially if your parent is dealing with memory problems, there is no real sense in explaining the situation anyway; they may forget it later. This does not mean you have to be rude, but you can draw a line between rude and clear.

The transition can be a difficult period that leads to frustration, anger, and even sadness within yourself. If you make this about you, you will only add to your own stress level. Remember that the journey may be difficult, but the alternative is certainly not something that most children would want for their parents.

About the Author

Jonathan Rosenfeld is an attorney who regularly advocates on behalf of families who have suffered the loss or injury to a loved one in a nursing home, hospital, or assisted living facility. Learn more about Jonathan’s work and writings by visiting http://www.nursinghomesabuseblog.com

young couple having romantic dinner together in a restaurant

If You Want Valentines Done Right You Have to Do it Yourself

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Guest Blogger: Valerie Garciayoung couple having romantic dinner together in a restaurant

Valentine’s Day has been the one holiday that focuses on a man’s love for his significant other, but there is no reason why this Valentine’s Day can’t be focused on a woman’s love for her man. The question becomes what is “right” for Valentine’s Day. Men and women have different expectations for Valentine’s Day.

V-Day Expectations

A survey co-sponsored by Men’s Health and Women’s Health magazines exposed some interesting trends between what men and women think about Valentine’s Day. In the survey, 56.9 percent of women did not expect to have sex simply because it was Valentine’s Day while a little over 50 percent of men expected to have sex because it Valentine’s Day. So for about 50 percent of both men and women, Valentine’s is not about sex. What do men want out of Valentine’s Day? There are a variety of things that men want from Valentine’s Day. 56.9 percent want to plan Valentine’s Day, while 4.5 percent of men think the female should plan Valentine’s Day, and 38.6 percent of men think that both the man and the woman should plan Valentine’s Day.

Joint Planning

Tag teaming can be a good way to start the Valentine’s Day adventure. Send him something simple like Valentine’s Day flowers from FTD. Guys are not used to receiving flowers at work, so simple is better. Include a card, with the flowers, that can become the focus of his day. Whatever you put into the card becomes the starting point for your Valentine’s theme. Some inspirational quotes you may want to use:

  • “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou
  • “You should be kissed, and often, by someone who knows how.” – Gone With The Wind“
  • “You have bewitched me, body and soul.” – Mr. Darcy, Pride & Prejudice
  • “If you live to be 100, I hope to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh

Change it Up

If you are an adventurous couple, make it a scavenger hunt. Have a car pick him up and drop him at Victoria Secrets where he is given another clue to pick one of three outfits for him or for you. If you are a couple that is more reserved then maybe order a nice dinner in and create a quiet, cozy retreat for him to spend time with you. The idea is to let him know you have a plan his job is simply to go along with your plan without ordering him to comply.

Giving him choices along the way allows him to maintain some control while limiting his choices to things and events that you like is a goal that pleases you both. Because there is such a difference between what a woman wants from Valentine’s and what a Man expects from Valentine’s, compromises need to be made.

About the Author

Val is a stay-at-home mom and blogger from Denver.

Fighting Can Actually Bring You Closer to Your Mate!

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Dr. Karen Sherman

Dr. Karen Sherman

Let’s face it … not many people like conflicts; they’re unpleasant. But it’s also unlikely that when you’re in a relationship with someone for a long time, that the two of you aren’t going to run into some snags along the way. And if you do, it means your normal!

What’s really at the heart of the matter is how you manage your conflicts. A leading researcher has found that within 15 minutes of watching how a couple handles a conflict, he can predict with 85% accuracy whether they will divorce or not. Yes – managing your conflicts is very important.

Interestingly, you go to school for an extended period of time and learn all sorts of things. Most of you learn how to drive a car. You train for whatever job or career you do. Yet, learning the tools to have a successful relationship is not taught. And within that area, the way to manage conflicts is not taught either.

The good news is that there are tools and they can be learned. Dr. Karen Sherman, a psychologist and relationship expert for over 25 years, realized how many of her couples were in trouble because they didn’t have these skills. To address this need, she decided to create a program that not only teaches conflict management but also how to repair appropriately after there’s been and issue and how to regulate your emotions.

When couples learn how to express themselves in loving, caring ways it leads to a sense of connection. Their differences can be heard, understood, and accepted. Intimacy and trust are established.

So is fighting good? Yes — if it’s done right. It allows the differences to
be expressed, the stress reduced, and the partners to feel closer.

Click here to learn more about Dr. Sherman’s program
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domestic violence

5 Steps to Protect Yourself from Relationship Violence

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Guest Blogger: Treishadomestic violence

Picture this. If a stranger attacks you while walking down a street, how would you respond? Normal reaction would be to run away as you’re afraid to get hurt or fight against him. However, when you’re in a dead-end road and you can’t find anyone to call for rescue, you only have two choices: give up or, as mentioned, fight. But what if that dead-end road is a relationship?

What do you do to protect yourself from physical, sexual, and emotional violence? In this article, we will share five immediate measures to protect yourself against abusive relationships and avoid further danger.

Steps to protect yourself from relationship violence include the following:

1. Stay Alert

If you sense that your partner is abusive in terms of any violence, you should determine when his rage goes up. This is the time to give excuses to stay away and leave. The reasons should be acceptable enough and make sure that he does not follow you through your escape. Also, you need to plan where to head to next. This must be a safe place where he cannot go to or does not have any clue of going. Think about your escape plan and focus on how you can do it without a problem.

2. Document the Abuse

No one will believe you if you just talk about it plainly no matter how honest you seem to sound. A good way to prove the abuse is to take pictures, record videos of the actual scenes, and record voices to tape the event. If you can, find witnesses and bring them to the police station and other authorities for sanction. These people can intervene whenever you’re in an emergency situation and can gladly assist you for protection when you’re in need of a lifeline from abusive relationships. They can charge the abuser with assault association with breaking the law because of hurting a peer.

3. Prepare a Survival Kit

When you run away, you don’t want to go back and face the abuser once again. So it’s best to prepare for a survival kit when you know you will be escaping from a heavy situation. Pack a set of clothes, get ready with your documents such as your personal files, important papers, cash, car keys, medications, address books, etc.

4. Reach Out

Ask your neighbors, friends, colleagues, family members and other intimate folks if you can stay with them for a time. If you’re in another country or place where people closest to you are not available, you may reach out to a domestic violence/sexual assault program in your area. They are your best bets who can support your emotionally, offer you peer counseling, safe emergency housing, and other help. It is very important to create a strong support system at this time.

5. Don’t Wait

Most abusers will say that they can change and you just have to wait until they do. Don’t believe that. Getting out from relationship violence is not easy. You will be the victim eventually and the abusive partner will not change. Whether it be pushing, throwing things at you, forcing you to do something sexual, giving threats, or embarrassing you to a full crowd, domestic violence will happen all over again.

Unhealthy relationships exist because they are tolerated or the victimized partner is not aware and properly guided on how to respond against the abuser. If you are experiencing relationship violence, consider acting on these five steps to save yourself from much trouble now.

About the Author

Treisha is a portrait of a modern-day Party Girl. Nights of dancing and socializing are not uncommon in Treisha’s life, but she claims to know and respect her limits. When responsibilities and opportunities align themselves, she knows how to prioritize them and keep them in order. Treisha works part-time as a blog manager and writer for Uratex Blog.

Nexium pills

How Your Recovery May be Affecting Your Family

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Guest Blogger: Kay Winders Nexium pills

The recovery process is a long road back to health and wellness. It’s an ongoing process that will require hard work long after your initial withdrawal from drugs or alcohol and your initial therapeutic work.

The recovery process also encompasses more people than just you. Your friends, your family, your co-workers and other acquaintances may all be a critical part of your recovery, and they may all be affected by it in different ways. This can all make a significant impact on how you get through recovery and whether you are ultimately successful.

Here are just a few of the ways that your recovery may be affecting your family:

They May See You as “Different”

Recovery requires you to do some serious self-work and to identify the roots of your addiction. You may make changes that affect the way you interact with people and the responses you have to certain situations. It may change the choices you make about who you spend your time with, the places you go, or even the activities you do for fun.

All these changes may make friends and family think that you are “different” or that you’ve “changed.” It should be true that the recovery process has changed you, but these changes should be positive. Friends and family who feel threatened by these changes are just having a hard time adjusting to the new you. Focus on your recovery and let them work this issue out for themselves.

They May Interact with You in New Ways

When you were addicted, maybe you went to the bar with your best friend every night and drank until you passed out. Now that you’re in recovery, you can’t do that anymore, and maybe you and your friend are both left wondering how to talk to one another or how to spend time together. Or maybe when you were addicted, you always blew your temper at your husband. Now that you’re in recovery, he may still be feeling like he’s walking on eggshells, and he may not know how to deal with conflict with you.

Whatever the case may be, your friends and family are sure to struggle with how to interact with you in new ways now that you are in recovery.

They May Feel Uncomfortable with Some Realizations

Therapy is a critical part of the recovery process. It can help you to get to the root of your addiction and address the situations or behaviors that may be behind it. Some friends and family members may be uncomfortable, or even upset, with what you discover – especially if it involves them.

For example, you may reveal that you were sexually abused as a child, bringing to light a painful family secret. Your family members may want to deny that it happened, or some of them may feel guilty for what they saw as their role in letting it happen. Or you might discover in therapy that you have made poor choices in your relationships, forcing you and your partner to take a closer look at some uncomfortable truths.

Whatever the case may be, your friends or family members may feel threatened by what you discover, embarrassed, helpless, or even angry.

They May Have to Confront Their Own Role

Many of your friends and family may have played a role in your addiction, and your recovery may have to make them confront their own responsibility. Maybe it was a brother who looked the other way while you were using. Or maybe it was a parent who struggled with addiction. Or maybe it was a friend who introduced you to your drug of choice.

Whatever the reason is, these friends and family members may have to do some of their own to help them come to terms with their own responsibility (or perception of their responsibility) for your addiction or the part they played in it.

Recovery is a long process, and you need the support of friends and family to be successful. However, your recovery may trigger issues for your friends and family that they have to confront themselves. Being aware of how your recovery may affect your friends and family can help you to better deal with these issues if they arise so that your hard work is not derailed.

How did your recovery affect your friends and family? Share your experiences in the comments!

About the Author

Kay Winders is presently the resident writer for http://www.badcreditloans.org, where she researches the best way for people to pay off their debts without damaging their credit. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing, the beach and gardening.