Dr. Daniel Tomasulo
Each month Dr. Tomasulo takes a reader question and answers it online. Your confidentiality is assured and no real names will be revealed. Just click on this link to Ask The Therapist.
Daniel J. Tomasulo, Ph.D., TEP, MFA is a licensed psychologist specializing in group psychotherapy and psychodrama, and author of the new book, Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir. He writes the popular Ask the Therapist column for PsychCentral.com (Time Magazine’s 2008 top 50 websites) and their Proof Positive blog on positive psychology. Visit www.formerchild.com for more information.
Hello. I am a girl from Lithuania and today I just felt that I want to write you an email and just… tell my story…
Well, I am a teenager, I am sixteen years old. Actually, I’m turning seventeen next month.
So, I think, I should start.
Okay, I am always on social pages, since then, when I was eleven or even ten! One day I signed up on Startvg(dating place or something like that) I was chatting with people, talking with them. I made such a progress with my English skills. Of course, I spend a lot of time out, but just more and more time I spent on there, because I met a guy! We had a great communication and time we spent talking and chatting with each other. I really liked him and he did to… Everyday after every single event in our days we came back on Yahoo or somewhere, to talk about it and jus have fun, because we really enjoyed it. One day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. We were like the happiest people. My friends and his friend were too… Of course and parents! But just a little problem. He lives in Florida and I live in Lithuania… And here it goes another problem I am a liar. When we started to talk on Startvg I thought he was another maniac or just mad guy, so, I said that I am 18 years old… Then I forgot about it, because we haven’t talk for a long time. When I remembered it I was too scared to say it… And I lived with that… I was lying… We were a couple for 8-9 months… I had some troubles… I couldn’t lie anymore, I just dissapearred. But I understood, that I can not live without him. I came back to the ‘virtual life’ again… We talked and everything was fine… We really loved each other. But one day I saw, that he has a girlfriend! I was shocked and then I strictly ended it. We broke up and for about 5 months we haven’t talked… Actually, I didn’t tell him I saw that he had a girl, I just ignored him and didn’t talk… Then after 5 months long he came back with those kind of words ‘ wondering, where on this earth you are’ ‘ I’ve missed you’. I was hurt but I felt bad too. I don’t want to lie anymore, but I am afraid… I am scared… I can’t tell him I am almost 17! By the way, he is 20. Everything is normal, but I shouldn’t have lied…:( We talked a few days ago… He told me that he still loves me and I said that I do… ‘But I can’t do this anymore… Sorry. Just leave it’ That was all I said… Of course, I am sad that he cheated on me… He knows it. But, ah, I feel bad too… He doesn’t know one of the most important things… It is so silly and, ah… Love hurts. Just, please, tell me what to do!!! I can’t live without him and he can not…
By the way, my mum also doesn’t knw the truth… She thinks that he knows about my age… Ah, it is just a big weird circle…